I’m curious if this means this friendship is done, because you don’t want to talk til I’m not cranky with you, and the whole reason I want to talk is BECAUSE I’m upset with you. So obviously I won’t stop being upset with you until you talk to me. I’ll calm down after I get you to commit to a goddamn conversation with me and talk about this shit because I’m done just letting it hurt me and keeping my mouth shut about it. So maybe this will make this fucking shit easier if I just vent it right here so you can read this at your goddamn leisure.
So point number one, yes I say it’s okay to disappear from the conversation, and yes, that is fine, people do it. If I wanted a fucking immediate answer I’d call your ass. But no, I text you, and a text means, “Answer at your mother fucking leisure.” So I understand when you vanish and don’t care for the most part. I mean, hell, I do too, but I make it a point to at least let you know something fucking came up either before or after, I let you know, “Hey some shit happened and so that’s how it is.” Point being? Please fucking reply to me AT SOME POINT. I mean, I’ll talk to Amanda, and I’ve had her disappear for 3 days straight, come back, and be like, “Hey bitch, sorry bout that shit I was out doing whatever the fucking hell I please but now I’m back so what’s up?” At least she’ll reply to me, even if its 1 hour late, 1 day late, even a week late, I think that was her record longest before I got a reply, but I ALWAYS get a reply at some point. So I don’t give a damn. But it’s hard to tell if either you’re busy or just decided to shaft my ass and I can’t expect a reply and so I better toss you another message if I ever want to reestablish contact with you. So the point? Please for the fucking love of whatever the fuck just give me a goddamn reply at some point so I know, “Hey while you’re not as important as what just came up, you ARE important enough to get a reply and to get acknowledged.” Because when you vanish and I don’t get shit, here’s what goes through my fucking mind, “lololol bitch you don’t matter worth shit so fuck off and go bug someone else because you’re ass has no value whatsofuckingever.”
Point number two, please for the fucking love holy balls, stop running away when I want to talk about something fucking important. Yes, I am pissed at the moment. No, I will NOT fucking calm down at some point. All that happens is I get more pissed, and less patient. And then you come back and I say, “It’s fine,” but, hey, I’m sure you guessed it by now, it’s not! I’m still pissed. I’m still upset. I’m just stashing it away, in the bank of Fuck EVERYTHING. I’ve stayed friends with you for this fucking long for a reason. I VALUE your fucking friendship. You FUCKING MEAN SOMETHING to me as a person and so I like to keep you around. So when I say, “Hey I want to talk, it’s important.” Don’t run away saying, “We’ll talk when you’re less cranky with me,” just fucking say, “I understand, I’m busy right now/don’t want to deal with this right now but we’ll talk about it later.” And then give me a fucking time or a goddamn day. But don’t say, “When you’re less cranky with me,” because that will be, um, what’s the word? NEVER. Lots to read, are you keeping up with this?
Point number three, if you’re going to try to reassure me that I’m valuable as a friend to you, don’t do something that says the fucking opposite like ABANDON ME. Um, sorry, I’m important? Is that what you said? Sorry I couldn’t hear you with your fucking back turned to me. I’ve been here to help you if you FUCKING ASK. Don’t beat around the bush if you’ve got a fucking problem. I CAN’T READ YOUR FUCKING MIND. We joke a lot, be fucking specific about that shit. I’ll calm down and deal with my own shit later if YOU FUCKING TELL ME SOMETHING IS WRONG.
Now, fuck you very much, if you have managed to read this all the way through and either, don’t agree with the shit I said, or you want to TALK THIS SHIT OUT (Oh my god! Talking shit out!? I thought it only happened in fairy tales?!) then text me or call me but fucking talk to me. I’ll expect to at least be ACKNOWLEDGED in a day or two. I understand you’ve got school and shit, but you didn’t want to deal with it today, but this is wrecking our friendship whether you know it or not. The amount of faith I have in you has dwindled to such a faint flicker. You heard me tell you how much I valued your opinion the other day. Sorry, but after those words today, I’m questioning whether I may have a case of ill founded faith. I didn’t want to lose you as a friend, but I’m starting to think you don’t give a flying fuck about this shit.
